Christmas Vacation Part VI

The next morning, we took our time getting ready. We had a lengthy breakfast at the buffet that morning. We did a short cheek-out, packed up the car and headed out of town towards home. Our first stop was just outside of Munich in the infamous town of Dachau. Dachau is one of the few surviving Concentration Camps from the Holocaust during World War II. It has a dark history, and the exhibits are very in depth.

Before they visited us, J&S would video IM with us regularly about 2 times a month. In October, shortly before my surgery, I had gone with two girls I had met online from Rammstein AFB to Poland. We went to Auschwitz-Birkenau and the former factory of Oskar Schindler. J&S had seen some pictures and heard me talk about it. I was minoring in History at my university, and one of my areas of specialty is the Holocaust. They wanted to visit there, but it was about a thousand miles away, so we thought that Dachau was a good compromise. Plus, it is one of the most complete former Concentration Camp sites in Europe as it was never bombed. This was to be my third visit there.

On the way there, I remember having a fever and feeling really uncomfortable. I was in a lot of pain and holding my arm on the roll pillow was still not safe enough. My arm jostled a lot considering it was winter. I was also feeling incredibly nauseated. I took my anti-nausea pills, but the car ride was making me sick too. The bright white landscape was not helping either as I was becoming more prone to migraines that are light induced. When we got into town Everyone was snacky, so we hit up the local Mc Donald's and got a bunch of dollar sandwiches and ate in the car.

I don't know what prompted it, but I became extremely irritated. It was something my husband had said. When we had finished eating, we drove across town to the concentration camp - which by the way, was completely visible to the public of the town of Dachau during the war. After we parked the car, we all got out and started towards the entry gate. It was a good 5 minutes from the parking lot to the entrance. Halfway there, I became so irrational, that Casey had to take me back to the car. He told J&S to go ahead, we'd catch up to them since we had been there before.

Back in the car, I threw the biggest temper tantrum that side of the Rhein river. I let everything I was feeling out, everything that bothered me, everything that made me sick, everything that made me irritated. I told my husband that it was impossible for me to see beyond how miserable I was. Until you have had a bone sawed in half and can't feel or move your body, you really don't know the feeling of absolute desperation and exasperation something as stupid as holding a cup or eating a chip can be. On top of that, I was getting over my flu by hanging out in below freezing weather. I was chilled to the bone and feeling feverish.

Among the many things I word0-vomited during that conversation, was the fact that I hate when people a) ignore my condition or pretend it's not happening b)don't anticipate the needs I have in this condition c)become helpless to my plight. To this day these are things that irritate me. Kienbock's can be an extremely debilitating bone disease. When you've spent your entire life able to pick your nose anytime you want, it's beyond frustrating when you can't even though you never wanted to in the first place. Not that I do, but that's not my point. Hell, I couldn't even point! When your brain tells your arm to do something and it doesn't happen, you try to control it by focusing in on it to will it to happen. I did this constantly. It set me up for a short fuse and I was easily discombobulated. Most of all, I told him I was scared that my nerves would never recover, that I would lose the use of my right hand completely. There was a chance, it's something the doctor said was possible. After I let it all out, I tried to apologize, but husband said he was trying to understand and that he didn't care. He knew I was hurting in too many ways. He's the best thing that ever happened to me.

After this whole debacle, husband decided it was best if I put on more clothing, took some of that medicine I was refusing to take, and got out to walk around. It was not easy putting on a third layer of clothing with my bundled and bandaged up arm. Somehow we managed it without too much crying and hitting, and I capitulated and took something. I think it was just ibuprofen - which does nothing for my problems. Then, we met up with J&S in the museum (aka former officer's building). We let them take their time through it. Following that, we toured an inmate barracks, and walked the grounds of the camp to the mass graves and the crematorium. Apart from the sad history of the place, J&S seemed to enjoy their visit. They learned a lot, and saw a part of world history that many people never get to see.

On the way back home, we were supposed to stop in Nuernberg to go to the world famous Christmas market. I told everyone I was too sick to make an attempt. I really was. I think I was even more nauseated after the medicine and from all the driving in the car. They were perfectly fine with that since we had visited a Christmas market in Innsbrueck and there were plenty of other local ones we could visit closer to home.

All in all, it was a very rough start to Christmas vacation. I was sick, I was irritated, I was angry, I was sad, I was lonely, and I was misunderstood. The worst one was certainly not the pain or the anger. I actually think it was being misunderstood. I equate it to speaking different languages. If everyone else was speaking English, I was speaking Greek to them. How do you come to terms with dead weight that is your dominant hand? I couldn't use the bathroom normally let alone feed myself half the time or sleep soundly for more than an hour at a time. The waterworks might have been momentarily turned off, but I was not ready to give up trying to bear this burden.