Rubber Arm

We went to see Dr. P. for a follow up appointment the week after I left the hospital. They took off my wrap. I had no idea that there was a half cast supporting the underside of my arm until they took everything off completely. My fingers were still not working, and I had to support my arm by holding it in my other arm to move it around. It just laid there on my leg palm up for most of that appointment.

Dr. P. checked the wound. It was all still black and extremely red. IF you weren't careful, you could glance at it and think I'd just taken a blade to my arm like Claire Danes on the Royal Tennenbaums. The glue was still holding the skin together.

Dr. P. also checked my sensory. He'd touch an area of my arm and I would feel it in a completely different place. It was still numb, like not even half awake. I couldn't really feel that he was touching me. He would ask me to wiggle each finger, and the only ones moving were still 3, 4 and 5. 2 was sort of twitching, and my thumb still wouldn't work. He said he didn't know what was going on, so he explained what happened in the procedure.

When you have an area operated on that has lots of muscles, tendons and nerves, they have to pick them up and move them out of the way before they can operate where they need to be. Basically, they took what looks like a binder clip to keep them away from the bone so they could saw and drill. Dr. P. said he thinks that this could have traumatized my nerves and that could be why there is poor response even after the anesthetics had flushed my body.

I ask him what the likelihood is that I'll be able to return to normal sensations and movements; he says that my condition is unusual. He thinks that it could take as long as 3 months considering my symptoms.

After he chatted with us, he sent us over to X-ray across the hall. I walk in with my wound wide open for everyone to stare at ... and they sure did. In Europe, staring is not associated with stigma like it is in the U.S. People love to observe others. It's actually considered rude to break eye contact if you're caught staring and act like you're doing something bad. It's acceptable to stare at anyone, for any reason. It's just something you get used to. On the one hand, it's not really that bad. They're never staring to make judgments or talk about you like Americans are. It's actually easy to get used to. However, when you walk into a room full of people with what looks like an attempted suicide wound that is screaming for attention, it gets incredibly uncomfortable. I knew I looked like a pathetic, bloated, sad person and it really looked like I attempted suicide.

I was happy to have to sit there for only a few minutes when they took me in to the X-ray. A few minutes later I was back in Dr. P.'s office, my husband clutching the X-ray photos and I delicately embracing my wounded arm. Dr. P. came back in and looked at the X-rays, said they were good, and that I should expect the healing process to take anywhere from 1 to 2 years. That meant, my bone growing back together. Only after it did could they remove the stabilizing screws and plate. They then wrapped me up and sent me home.

We went home that day with instructions to take my arm out of its wrap and half-cast to wash. I don't know if this was worse than the 3 straight weeks of nausea, but it was bad. I couldn't control the arm so I got really freaked out when it would flop around. It was like there were no bones in it, and it scared me. I kept thinking the screws are going to come loose or the plate will shift, or my bone will break and fracture further. It was horrifying to watch it wiggle around like rubber and not have any control. It also did not feel good. It was awkward and painful to say the least considering the mound of metal holding my arm together, and the skin glued over it.

Honestly, I think it scared my husband more than me because I'd get so freaked out I'd cry when he'd give me a bath. We lightly washed around the wound, but never over it. I wasn't allowed to soak it because of the glue holding it together. We had to pat it dry and make sure that it was completely dry before we wrapped it back up. But, he would charge through with his duty to take care of me. Usually, he feels helpless and doesn't know what to do because how can someone really do something about the pain? When it came to baths however, no problem. He was very careful and very good with me.

I don't really know how to describe this "rubber" arm to you. Not many people have had surgeries where their situation would be similar. I would best describe rubber arm like a newborn baby's neck. If you're not careful, it jerks and flops around dangerously. Let me tell you, it was the worst of the weird feelings in my arm that I've ever had when it comes to my Kienbock's Disease.